I know, too, that motherhood can bring a sort of violent, overwhelming love that feels like being encased in metal and dropped into a deep sea. Even when we fight, which happens a lot, I try to keep part of my mind open to the fact that we want, ultimately, to remain married. In my 20s, I lived on a Texas ranch and knew a cowboy called Powder who was deeply loved by his wife, Janey. Just being alone with Pete, drinking coffee and nothing else, is a deep pleasure. But now, being alone in a hotel room with Pete, I feel an almost hysterical lightness.
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