If you can try to "reset" each time you see her - in other words, clean the slate and see her as blank every single time - then you won't be holding old grudges or nursing old disappointments and keeping a running tally of them in your heart. I am a widow and my only son got married. There is nothing you can do about this. This is one of the ways that certain people control situations and others see How to Recognize a Manipulative or Controlling Relationship - the best you can do is to understand that she has the ultimate say over what happens with her children. My daughter-in-law just assumes that we are her built-in babysitter without asking. In other words, if she calls and asks for you to babysit an hour from now, you simply say you've already made other plans. She may be vulgar and crass.
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